Tried and True Ways to Get Cavities (If You Are Into That Sort of Thing)

A PRIMER ON HOW TO GET ALL THE DECAYED TEETH YOU WANT AND DESERVE...

Decay starts on teeth in specific locations in a fashion that is almost entirely dependent on what you do.  This primer will describe the different types of cavities and what YOU can do to ensure that you get all the rotten teeth you want.

1.  Cavities can start on the biting surfaces of teeth.  In order to get decay in these areas, do the following:
     a. Whether a child, teenager, or adult, do not get protective, painless sealants on your teeth.
     b. Daily and as often as possible, eat and drink foods that have high sugar content.
     c. Eat sticky candy as often as possible.
     d. Do Not brush your teeth daily.  Do Not use a fluoride-containing mouthrinse.

If you desire cavities, under no circumstance should you use mouthrinse and a toothbrush.

2.  Cavities can start between your teeth.  These are called nonflossing cavities.  To get this specific type of decay:
     a. Do Not floss your teeth properly every day.  Rationalize and find excuses not to floss your teeth.  If this proves difficult, only floss the teeth you want to keep.
     b. Do Not use a fluoride-containing mouthrinse on a daily basis.

3.  Cavities can start along the gumline (where the tooth appears to exit the gum tissue).  These are a special type of cavities.  They can progress very quickly to the point where you might even need a root canal!  To get quick and large cavities in these areas (especially back teeth):
     a. Be sure to suck on sugar-rich hard candies, cough drops, and breath mints throughout the day.
     b. Do Not brush your teeth properly.  Make sure the toothbrush bristles do not come in contact with the tooth-gum junction.  If you find this proves hard to do, let the dental hygienist show you how to do it properly and then do the opposite of what you are told.
     c. Do Not use a fluoride-containing mouthrinse.

4.  If you are missing teeth:
     a. Do Not get them replaced in a timely fashion.  The remaining adjacent and opposing teeth will then be able to move to new areas that are difficult to clean and be more prone, not only to decay, but to gum and chewing problems as well.

5.  Do Not see the dentist and dental hygienist on a routine basis (2-4 times per year, depending on your personal situation) to have your teeth checked and cleaned.  If you do go, the dental professionals may find and treat decayed teeth when the decay is minimal.  They are not inclined to let the cavities grow properly.  In fact, if we find the decay when it is really small, we may be able to treat and remineralize the incipient (beginning) decay without even using a drill or having to give an injection!

Under no circumstances use sugar-free gum or mints.  Some of these products have an additive (RECALDENT) in them that has been shown to make enamel stronger and more decay-resistant.  The RECALDENT promotes enamel remineralization.  This could slow down the decay process or even keep some cavities from forming.

If you adhere strictly to the above rules, you will ensure that you get the most and biggest cavities you possibly can.  The responsibility for growing cavities is yours alone.

Information directly from, "Dental Practice Tool Kit: Patient Handouts, Forms, and Letters," 2004, Elsavier Inc.